It looks eternal and deep…
These are the things that I’ve never had the chance to say. I’d like to start by saying that I didn’t love you. Now that I know what love is like, I can say that those feeling I had for you didn’t meet the standards I’ve been told; because love means sharing, understanding, supporting, truthfulness, respect, faithfulness, caring, tenderness, and maturity and what we got was selfish, complicated, despaired, harrowing, annoying, painful, childish, imperfect. Love was more than what I would say or at least that’s what I want to believe, but, to be honest with you, you were my fucking first love and I can’t forget you nor forgive you. You don’t have an idea how many times I cursed your name and fate, or how many times I regretted that I ever met you. I’m pathetic because I know you got over this a long time ago and I tried to move on so many times and I did! but, just like an addict, I backslide into it every time I have the chance. I’ve got older thankfully and I see things now in a different way. I’m less impatient more careful with things and people that matter to me; but God! how much I still hate your name because something in here, inside breaks to its sound, because now that I know what perfect love is I can’t reach it because I still love you selfishly, complicatedly, annoyingly, painfully, childishly, imperfectly. We hurt each other so much that I think disregard as you have been doing so well by the way would the most accurate word between us, but, on this party, things are quite different. Today I missed you and I only hope that you are ok, and happy, that I will never know that, and that you won’t ever read this.
Things are better this way.
